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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Assertiveness' LiveJournal:

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Thursday, October 31st, 2013
10:49 am
[mel_pa]
Access to Washer Question
My family and I just moved into a new apartment and we had to replace the washer because it was broken. My step-dad gets angry about my washing twice a week acusing me of abusing the washer that way. If I wash once a week I'll then be accused of abusing the washer by overloading it, either way I'm screwed.

The only laundromat is miles away, it's too expensive, and I don't have a car.
I won't wear dirty clothes to reduce clothes to wash. My mom and step-dad won't let me handwash my clothes.

I posted a message on Yahoo Answers and they said washing that amount isn't abusing the washer and my counselor says she washes more than me. My mom say she washes once a week, what's my problem, washers nowadays aren't built to last.

What can I say or do to have access to the washer?
Monday, December 13th, 2010
10:09 am
[mel_pa]
Insult or Criticism?
I posted this litle story on a South Park blog and the only comment was "What a waste of time" I asked "What do you mean?" and the blogger said "This is kind of retarded."
Should I take this as criticism or an insult? How should I respond?

Here is a link to the post:
http://community.livejournal.com/south_park/180573.html

Here is a link to an edited version of the story on another list:

http://community.livejournal.com/southparkstorys/3270.html
Wednesday, January 2nd, 2008
10:06 am
[mel_pa]
Arguing with Mom Over "Not Dressing Warmly"
Arguing with Mom Over "Not Dressing Warmly"
Two nights ago, I got into an arguement with my mom
about my wearing a pair of sweatpants and a soccer
shirt in mid to upper fifties degree temperature--this
was the mid-upper fifties outside: I was indoors so it was warmer but to
mom I "was not dressed warmly!" She ranted that I was
in danger of hypotherma, etc. I don't exactly live in Antartica
nor in the mid western, or Eastern US where it is in the deep freeze
in the winter, it doesn't even snow in the area I live in!


I overheat easily and I have to balance warmth with controling
overbuilding body heat. It takes a lot of cold before
I would put a sweater on. But then I once dressed relatively
cool in an unseasonably hot early December day and my
counselor thought I was freezing to death! I'm expected to dress
for the comfort of others, not myself. What can I do?

Current Mood: frustrated
Saturday, October 13th, 2007
10:16 am
[mel_pa]
No Cans, No Income
This week my mom did not buy any can diet sodas
for reasons unknown, instead she bought tea mix and lemon
ade mix. My mom had been saving cans for me to redeem at
a local recycling center for money--and it's my only income!
Is the not getting can sodas about health? Is it about not
affording it? I worry about asking for the reason because
these issues would get her angry.

Unforturnately I erupted this morning outside and cussed and
knocked over a shopping carts outdoors. What can I do?

Update:

My mom said that she is cutting back on carbonated drinks
for health purposes. Would suggesting canned CRV non-carbonated drinks
help?

Current Mood: stressed
Tuesday, October 9th, 2007
4:12 pm
[andreya]
Verbal Abuse Survivors - helpful links!
Apaprently there is a very good book out there! (Haven't read it, but lots of good reviews online!)
http://www.pinn.net/~sunshine/book-sum/v_abuse.html

More helpful articles etc.: http://www.webheights.net/GrowingbeyondEmotionalAbuse/articles.htm (some broken links, but some helpful things still, especially links to books on Amazon)

Really love this site: http://www.controllingparents.com/aboutthe.htm 
 
Monday, August 27th, 2007
7:20 pm
[andreya]
How to Effectively Deal with Bullying
Cool examples!!

http://www.greatschools.net/cgi-bin/showarticle/ca/574

What real Moms did for their kids!

I had no idea written complaints or such could be so effective!!

This one really made me laugh!! http://www.parentingpress.com/t_040710.html
“Thank you for your input.” LOL

A friend stopped her ex-husbands sarcasm by saying, 'Sarcasm kills/destroys communication' or something like that (maybe it was 'effective communication'. It shut him right up, and he became nicer.
Funny thing is, I told her that (without any idea of her using it in talking to him!) & was really surprised she A) Remembered it & B) Used it with great success!!

Interestingly, there's help for parents with overly critical kids too!
http://www.parentingpress.com/t_040717.html
Some good consequences for unhelpful talk & behaviour, LOL!!

Sane advice for when you wanna be nasty here too: http://www.beavercreek.k12.oh.us/fair/counselor/putdowns.htm
7:05 pm
[andreya]
More on Dealing with Put-Downs!
http://www.impactpublishers.com/pressrel/Down%20with%20Put-downs.htm
I really like the idea of writing down the insults or things that bug you and then come up with effective answers (humorous or direct) at home in your free time!

I've done something similar already, wrote imaginary interviews of 'worst questions people might ask me' or things they might say... coming up with answers in advance can be of real help!

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html This is mainly about the different possible techniques of manipulation (with a fascination to cults) - it doesn't say how to resist it though, oddly enough!

While this looks like a marriage from hell (this is from 1979, though)http://ftp.lib.sk.ca/booksinfo/WesternProducer/1979/WP790913.html the answer is a bit foggy but maybe the books recommended could be worth reading? Might take a look one day...
Friday, August 24th, 2007
4:41 pm
[andreya]
How to Deal with Criticism?
I found this cool site with lots of USABLE HOW-TO info on assertivness!

http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/assertiveness/how-to-be-more-assertive-part12.html
Shows which techniques to use and when! eg. The 'broken record' is just a 'last resort'!!!!

The full free online assertiveness course starts here: http://www.teamtechnology.co.uk/assertiveness/how-to-be-more-assertive.html
Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
11:37 am
[mel_pa]
Disagreeing with Mom About How Long I Shower
Yesterday afternoon I after I took I
shower my mom accused me of "taking a shower
for HOURS!". I disagreed with her and told her
how long it took and accused me of lying.
She said that the owners of the building we live in
pay the water bill and we can be evicted--but I'm afraid
mom might evict me first for "not cooperating".
How can I disagree with mom assertively? What can
I do?

Current Mood: worried
Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
10:09 am
[mel_pa]
Overprotectiveness Question
Is it common for an adult who
becomes assertive to their overbearing
and/or overprotective parents to have
peers accusing the adult of being "selffish"
peers attempting to make you feel bad because
"that's what parents are SUPPOSED to do,
it's 'unnatural' for (grown) children to talk
back to their parents", "If your parents didn't do
that then they are 'bad parents", etc? Dealing
with overbearing/overprotective parents is a common
reason people seek assertiveness training.

Current Mood: pissed off
Sunday, October 8th, 2006
11:43 pm
[andreya]
Started this community but it's been kind of dead.

Still, I like the fact it's there - met some really lovely people here!

Hmm... assertiveness.

Have learnt a lot in these past few months, since I started it. Like, I never knew assertiveness had so much to do with clarity about one's goals - and it's quite difficult to find clarity about most of my goals right now, but I'm letting myself go with the thought it's okay to not have complete clarity too, and that people should respect my space even if I'm doing 'nothing' by their standards. So I say, 'I'm working' to Dad when I write my book, even if nothing, or 'not much' may ever come out of it financially.

Also, a book I read now says confidence has a lot to do with energy. I'm quite glad I found that in a book, it confirms my own observations. Still to research the minerals & vitamins more, but apparently magnesium is huge in helping with sensitivity, anxiety, depression and such things. Ate avokado with basil& tomato (on bread) for breakfast and was bursting with energy! Ate sweets in the afternoon and almost fell asleep on the couch!;)

Anyway, hugs to all of you still in this community!!

Maybe we could liven it up a bit too? What do you say?;)
Wednesday, July 12th, 2006
10:09 am
[mel_pa]
Bathroom Painting Means Plan Accordingly
This morning I discovered
my mom and step-dad's plan to
paint the bathroom and I tried to
ask when, but my step-dad became
annoyed. What can I do to ask them
when they plan to paint so I can plan
accordingly?

Current Mood: worried
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
10:45 am
[mel_pa]
Getting Less for Cans
For the last few months
I have been taking my cans
to a recycling center and
even if I have three very
full bags of cans I keep getting
written up as only a pound!
I most have more than that!
Should I say something?

Current Mood: irritated
Wednesday, March 8th, 2006
10:07 am
[mel_pa]
Slamming the Door :(
This morning I was in a hurry and
I drank what turned out to be my
step-dad's share of the coffee. He
got mad and assertiveness just slipped my
mind and I slammed the door on my way out.
Now I think I'm going to get into trouble for
slamming the door. What can I do and what could
I have done?

Current Mood: nervous
Wednesday, February 15th, 2006
10:24 am
[mel_pa]
Missing Mints
This morning I discovered that my marked down
York's Peppermint Patties are missing! I
questioned my step-dad but he denies see it.
(He's been known to take people's candy!)
What can I do?

Current Mood: pissed off
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
10:32 am
[mel_pa]
Using Broken Record But Someone Lays Down the Law
I tried to use "broken record" in trying to
be assertive but I was stopped and then the person
laid down the law. What could I have done?

Current Mood: confused
Thursday, January 19th, 2006
11:36 pm
[andreya]
This week's post is members-only.

Do take a look and answer! It would be nice to get to know each other better, & maybe we can help each other out with helpful suggestions?!
Thursday, January 12th, 2006
7:35 pm
[andreya]
AFFIRMATIONS I've been using lately
My boundaries are respected.

I'm taking my life in my hands!
(I actually sing that one any time I remember, especially in front of a mirror! LOL It's to be a song, but the rest of the lyrics is still to be written!)
7:32 pm
[andreya]
Energy & Assertiveness
Just wanted to tell you that journalling and trying to see patterns has really helped me!

Taking my own boundaries seriously, and taking others' boundaries seriously, helps others respect my boundaries too!! /Still working on that 1st part!/

And the running thing. I feel so much more assertive when I have enough energy! And you?
Tuesday, January 10th, 2006
8:14 pm
[andreya]
Assertiveness & Romance & Other Relationships
Can lack of assertiveness break romantic relationships?
Or prevent them from developing in the first place?

A post in a_broken_heart sparked this idea.

If you keep being a doormat for a long time, and keep letting the other person win while suppressing your own wishes, or never let the needs of the other person be met, the relationship might not last that long.
On the other hand, some people persist in bad relationships. But would you want to?

The 'trap' may be to think 'If s/he really loved me, s/he wouldn't do that!'
Well, most people do not have very much developed psychic abilities. And may cross our boundaries unaware there were any. Or we might cross theirs.

Communication is important. But sometimes words are not enough, and actions might speak louder.

So, the task for this week is to think how we want to be treated and how we treat others, and what seems fair. And pull away if the relationship doesn't seem to be a fair one, and we have been giving too much. Then, we will see either that the person will be willing to change, or we will meet other people and do things we really like. So it's a win-win situation anyway!! (Word of caution: only do this if you are willing to accept the possibility the other person might NOT like 'the new you' or 'new plans'.)

On the other hand, if we have been doing too little... it might be nice to do something good for the other person, talk about their wishes...

Tell me what you think about this...
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